Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Brothers Under the Bridge

I had a life once. I was right in the middle of it. I was the go-to girl. I was alive in a way that feels like the complete opposite of the person that lives in my body now. I was fast, and tough. And I could go far. Show me the hill and I'd show you my dust. I was fun. Big smile. Playful and joyous. A badass in a running skirt. Knew all the answers. Pretty and confident.

Now I sit and wait. I'm still. I'm weak. I've been replaced by people who have life and strength in them like I once recognized in me. Life moves on, but it's too fast for me now. I smile from the sidelines, but it's fake. I'm so jealous. Jealous of the ones who are in the middle now, and make it look so good. I wait and watch, and want their lives. Will they remember me after they all move on with their strong muscles and fast legs and shiny bikes? Their smiles look real because they're doing what they love and what makes them alive. Their eyes twinkle at each other, but mine feel dull.

I heard a song last month that hit home. It's not about illness, but about neglected veterans. The fall can happen so fast. The song is the title of this post and belongs to Bruce Springsteen. The line is: "One minute you're right there... then something slips."


  1. I'm on disability now. I know how you feel. I miss my career. I miss my co-workers. I miss the feeling of accomplishment.

  2. hi Kh,
    i'm so touched by your post,it reminded me of my days.....i know it's hard...very hard.Just have the courage dear......God bless you.Take care