Body Image

I guess like most athletes, I'm particular about the fine-tuned-ness of my body, both performance-wise and in appearance. In 5 short months, I look completely different, and I absolutely hate it. The most noticable difference is the skinniness of my arms and upper body, in addition to odd-looking angularity caused by the inability of my elbow joints to straighten. They are still stuck at about a 5-degree angle, so that my elbows jut out and my forearms have the appearance of lifelessly hanging off of the rest of my arm. Contrast this with a Winnie-the-Pooh prednisone belly, and I see something resembling a snowman (complete with stick arms) in the mirror. I'm not completely vain... of course I want to be healthy first and foremost. But it is hard to look in the mirror and see yourself in such a different and wasted form.

Questions that go through my head: How long does Prednisone puffiness stick around, and at what kind of dosages? Will the disease prevent muscle build-up? When can I start trying to build muscle back up, anyway? Rignt now I can only lift very light weights... do I just keep doing this and wait for strength to come back via the drugs? Or is it up to me to try and increase srength with the lifting? What causes the residual weakness that most people experience, and is there any way to work through that? I would love to think that I have some kind of control over how much strength I get back through my willingness to work at it, but I'm sure that there are multiple factors involved.

Update on the dog bite: Scabs have finally formed, it took a few days. One cut looks clean and dry, the other one looks pink and raised, like it's a little inflamed. I hate being so fragile. I can usually get chewed up, spit out, and then show off my scars proudly like some kind of badge demonstrating how tough I am. I am now that person who dampens all of the fun by talking about how I can't get a scratch or be exposed to the outside world. Like Piggy in Lord of the Flies. Ok, that's a little dramatic. But the point is that I'm not used to being weak.